Do you ever wonder whose life you are living? You take a step back and wonder, "how the hell did I get here"?! I found myself watching some particularly trashy television last week, some show that works it's way through the UK discovering 'embarrassing bodies.' In this episode alone I was exposed, over dinner, to delights such as anal warts, large vaginas, KK breasts, and other seemingly mythical exhibits. In watching I was struck by two things, 1) Do not watch this show while eating dinner... 2) Almost every participant, when asked why they let it go for so long, responded that they had been too scared to seek help or that they had been to busy putting their focus into work, their family, or into ignoring their condition altogether. Now I may not myself have size KK breasts but I do know that I am guilty of doing the same thing. When it comes to putting my needs and my priorities first I often feel guilty or fearful that people will not love me as much if I do not say, "YES, I would love to do that for you." And then what is worse is that I secretly begrudge them for asking me, instead of being upset with myself for denying my own needs and desires in the first place. The reasons that we sometimes feel obligated to put ourselves last can vary. For some it is a sense of right and wrong, a feeling of duty to work or loved one's. For some it is like an exchange, I meet your needs and desires and in exchange you give me something that looks like love. For some it is just easier to focus on other's needs because it would take too much effort and/or pain to figure out what we want. Whatever the reason, too much outward focus can leave us feeling depleted, angry, or taken advantage of, and in all cases can have a negative impact on our health.
Unfortunately, many of my clients tell me that they wasted years trying new workout crazes and fad diets before they realized that the work they needed to do needed to start from within. Sigh...
Are you ready to do the inner work?
Lindsey T H Jackson is a Life Coach, movement therapist and storyteller. Contact her at www.lindseythjackson.com for inspiration, list of services and bookings.